Since I wrote my last blog, many things have happened and life has been good, but I can't help but thinking back to just last year! You see, in the spring of the year is when "life" took a toll on me in many different ways. Hard to imagine that it's only been one year as sometimes it seems like an eternity!
March 16th of last year is the day that my mother-in-law left this world to be with the One she longed for - to be with her Jesus and to join her husband. During those few days before it was so hard to know it was coming - Jim was there with her and she went peacefully. March 26th of last year the Leifer family gathered in her memory - it was a very difficult day, but one we got through! Hmm, I just remembered - the night before her service I was asked to play the piano at the Catholic church - had forgotten all about that until now! The piano at the church sat right in front and every eye could see me and I could see every eye - believe me, that was hard!!!! Must have been Jesus sitting with me to get through it - I do remember seeing the pew where my family sat - Larissa, Litney, Logan and Jim were there together and tears fell from each of them! I tried my best not to have tears because I needed to read the music on the page - but there were times I couldn't hold them back! She was a wonderful person and the perfect mother-in-law - I loved her! I felt so bad for my kids - especially Litney as the year they spent together was a wonderful year! Litney had an appreciation and love for grandma that no other grandchild could have - Litney and grandma Helen were roommates, were friends, were connected in a special way - it was grandma Helen's best year - and she always called Litney "my little girl"!
On the 27th of March it had been my plan to drive Larissa to Walla Walla - it didn't happen:( we would have not to get up early and drive down and we were exhausted. At one point mom was not only disappointed as I knew she might be, but she was upset because that night we ended up going to a game in Spokane. Fortunately though, I was able to talk with mom about it, and she was fine - she understood like a mom would and I didn't feel bad anymore. However, it was that next Monday that mom had her stroke - my year is just about there! Today is the 27th of March and her stroke was April 4th - it's 8 days from now because of the leap year, but it was really just one week last year.
My mind races back and forth each time I think of it being "one year ago" - how can one year bring so many thoughts, so many memories, so many tears? It's not like I've not continued on - I have and I know mom would want me to! But still!!
One thing Jim and I decided after losing both our moms last year was we are now the "next generation" and it was time to make sure we could live in our home as long as possible. I always felt felt bad for both Helen and mom that their "home" wasn't more handicapped accessible - it would have been nice - Helen had to leave her house the last two months and mom never made it back. That still saddens me today!! So, we are making our main floor accessible for our older years! It's beginning to look fantastic too! But, I want to share it with mom - so hard knowing I can't:( She would love it as much as I do!!! She'd be happy for me and I know that!
Remembering - is it good? I think so, but that doesn't mean that it isn't hard!!! Every time I turn around and see something, smell something, or hear something that makes me remember mom, I have a tear in my eye. They still come easy and now during this spring of the year, even easier! I've written something that I'll post later - just not the time right now. This next month will be difficult for all of us - remembering and thinking, "what if" - but we can't go there! It is what it is and I am grateful for the relationship I had with mom and dad. I am grateful that I did my very best to be there when I could and they were proud of me! I am grateful that I can "remember the days" and am blessed by their love!!! Blessings to them & blessings to all!
