One year ago today I was in Walla Walla - had been there each week for three days, but this week would be different.  It would be the last time I'd be able to touch my mom's hands and face and for her to feel my love.  Even then I knew "life" would continue on - it always does, but I had no idea how I would make it through difficult times ahead.  Yes, I had my husband, my kids, my siblings, my friends, my church - BUT I didn't have my mom!!!  She was always the one I'd call to "share" joys with, to share heartaches with, to share my life with - no longer would she be able to listen and respond to me.  No longer would I be able to say how much I loved her!!!  Mom, it's been hard!!!!  There's times I just sit and cry, times I'm not even thinking of you and begin to cry, times I remember something and tears swell in my eyes. 

Even in the later years of your life I remember you talking about your mom and how sometimes you would have tears - that's me now when I start talking about you!  My children are experiencing the very same thing with me!  I so remember years ago thinking "Oh mom, my heart aches when I see you cry" and now I'm sure my girls are thinking that same thing!  I think the thing I've realized the most is that "life is so fragile" and that we REALLY need to live each day LOVING YOU, loving our family, loving others!!!!  We need to live for YOU - not somehow, but triumphantly!!!! 

So mom, for today, I'm giving you those words!!!  You shared them with me through your actions, through your words, through your persistence, through your strength, through you life!!!  I love you mom!!!!!

One Year Over - but LOVES forever!!!

One Year Today - April 4, 2012

Wow!  Doesn't seem possible that it's been a year - that life was normal a year ago yesterday and then on this day, life changed!  Why is it that "time" can stand still or quickly move within my mind, within my thoughts?  I know I write alot about my feelings in this past year - you see, I started this blog on March 1st of 2011 and thought I'd just keep it "personal" for me and it would give me an avenue to write.  I had not intended to let anyone know about it - it was going to be mine.  In fact, I never even shared it with mom and now she's the one I write about the most?  That doesn't make sense does it?!  Hmmm, I wonder if she does know?

Mom, this is the first year now of "that day" - the day that reality came tumbling down just as you must have.  I cannot go there - to know the struggling you encountered on that morning!  In some small ways I was very fortunate to live here, to not be too close yet close enough to come.  I'm not sure I could have bared that morning knowing something was wrong.  Jenice and Jaci were very strong to get through it and Glen too - I was always the one who was so emotional and a wreck during times like this!  Do you remember how awful I was the day you fell on the ice and broke your wrist?  Remember, I was the one who fell apart and could have used the ambulance?  No, there are some things where I'm just not good!  BUT, I have to tell you, I am very fortunate I was able to be there during those next 23 days - to be able to be by your bedside, hold your hands, pray with you and for you, brush your hair, give you sips of thickened water and especially those few days you got the ice chips!  I know neither of us wanted those kind of days to last, but right now I'd give anything to be able to tell you again how much I love you!!  I'm sure all six of us feel that same way!  You were here long enough to allow us the time we needed to know "this world was not your final place" and God was calling you home!  So when I really think about this time a year ago, I am thankful!!  I am thankful you gave us the gift of time even though you were hurting!  I am thankful you allowed us some communication even during this time!  I am thankful we KNEW without a doubt that you loved each one of us and that you were ready to be with Jesus!!  I am thankful for the very best mom I could have had!!!  I am thankful for you!!!

Mom, I love you!!!  Blessings to both you and dad on this day!