OK - so I can honestly say that I have never experienced a "hot flash" like most women my age! Am not sure if it was just a blessing from God, that my body is unique, or that I'm just unusual? Anyway, I've been thankful to be at my age - over 60 and moving on - and still not experience those "flashes" like my friends talk about:) So guess in some ways, I am blessed for sure!!! And I feel VERY fortunate that my health is good and that I LOVE life to the fullest - God has been sooooo good to me:)! Not always have I been "deserving" and not always have I made the best choices, but He has been faithful and faithful beyond to me!
Anyway, back to "flashes" - so I'm standing in my kitchen just a short time ago - making an afternoon cup of some new "French Brew" coffee that came in today's mail:) (what a special treat to receive 4 Keurig Cups free in the mail:)!!!) Within two seconds I feel this overwhelming heartbreak and my eyes swell with tears! It wasn't a hot flash, but a "quick flash" of sadness and I couldn't control it! Why Lord, why is it that our emotions can run so fast and so quick at times? I know why I had the tears, but still, so quickly? I have to tell you, this isn't the first time for tears by any means, but the first time I compared them to what others call "hot flashes" -
I had to take a few minutes - my coffee is almost gone along with the tears in my eyes. So until the next time, and as I've been told, there will be a next time, I guess I'll just write about it. And I have to say, thank you Jesus for that "quick flash" memory - maybe it's mom wanting a cup of afternoon coffee as well? Blessings!!!!
Monday, September 19, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
Just Another Day
So here it is in the middle of the afternoon - not a lot happening other than the weather is finally cooling off and there's a gentle breeze - that's always nice after a long hot summer!! Larissa was home this past weekend and we traveled to Montana for the wedding of cousin Kayla Leifer. It was wonderful to see all the family attending, and yet at the same time, it just brought so many memories and emotions to my heart. The last time we had a family wedding was last summer's with Litney and Danny. Not only was Helen attending, mom sent her blessings to them too - although she wasn't able to make it which we all understood. Now time has flown by and both of them are gone - so hard at times!!!!
I decided that I wanted to put together a book of mom's last month or so and include the writings I've done since - today is that day! I've uploaded it completely and have one last page - do you think it will "close" by heart and soul when I "close" the book? I don't really think so, but maybe it'll be something to remind me often of all the love that was put into those words. So mom, this is for you!!! I will say once again just how much I love you and what a GREAT mom you were to me!!! Blessings Mom!!!!
I decided that I wanted to put together a book of mom's last month or so and include the writings I've done since - today is that day! I've uploaded it completely and have one last page - do you think it will "close" by heart and soul when I "close" the book? I don't really think so, but maybe it'll be something to remind me often of all the love that was put into those words. So mom, this is for you!!! I will say once again just how much I love you and what a GREAT mom you were to me!!! Blessings Mom!!!!
Friday, September 2, 2011
Day Is Ending:)
Only an hour or so left of September 2, 2011 - a very new "first" for me:) The "first" birthday of mom and she wasn't here to celebrate it - not that she wanted to celebrate birthdays anymore, but I always called and talked with her, sent her a gift card, wrote a poem or something - especially since dad's been gone. I spent the day keeping myself busy, but it was in my thoughts the entire day - I miss her!!!
This afternoon I was outside in the brisk fall air, watering the plants around - I looked up the hill to the top where Larissa & Litney would get off the school bus - it was just like I was back in those days - I could see them coming down the hill - skipping a bit - chatting together - running to tell me of their day at school. For a split second I was back there - waiting for them! But then reality - not only are they grown and away from home, I'm no longer the daughter of a living mother - my mother isn't physically in my life. She definitely is within my thoughts, my mind, my memories, but I can't just call and chat. I miss those talks - I miss watching my girls come down the hill. I miss life as it was, but, it just can't be that way again. So for now, I must cherish those memories of my girls, cherish those memories of my mom and dad and live for today. You see, tomorrow everything may change again - tomorrow is September 3 and my mom's birthday will be over. Today, I miss my mom!!! Happy Birthday Mom - I love you!!! Blessings to you on your 92nd birthday - !!!
This afternoon I was outside in the brisk fall air, watering the plants around - I looked up the hill to the top where Larissa & Litney would get off the school bus - it was just like I was back in those days - I could see them coming down the hill - skipping a bit - chatting together - running to tell me of their day at school. For a split second I was back there - waiting for them! But then reality - not only are they grown and away from home, I'm no longer the daughter of a living mother - my mother isn't physically in my life. She definitely is within my thoughts, my mind, my memories, but I can't just call and chat. I miss those talks - I miss watching my girls come down the hill. I miss life as it was, but, it just can't be that way again. So for now, I must cherish those memories of my girls, cherish those memories of my mom and dad and live for today. You see, tomorrow everything may change again - tomorrow is September 3 and my mom's birthday will be over. Today, I miss my mom!!! Happy Birthday Mom - I love you!!! Blessings to you on your 92nd birthday - !!!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Is It September Already?
Wow - another month of the summer gone!!! How is it the older I get the faster and faster the months seem to fly by? Doesn't at all seem possible, but it's real for sure!
I thought alot about Mom the past week or so - even more than normal and normally it's on a regular basis:) Mom would have been smiling:) and would have loved having some of her kids get together - she always wanted us to have a close relationship even though distance separates us. Last Thursday Jim, Logan and I flew to California to spend a few days with Greg & Irma. It was planned after mom passed away, but I know she was looking down and saying, "Good":) It was a wonderful BUSY time but it had special moments that we talked and chatted about "things in the past" - several times I was in tears.
Greg had said "yes" to a 50th wedding renewal of vows - that was the inital reason we'd gone. He had asked a couple of months ago if I would want to come "assist" - well, Greg does so much for me in my little business that I decided, "why not?" and then Jim and Logan came along too. We made it somewhat of a vacation and it was wonderful. Greg took us to Yosemite on Friday (even got a few shots of Logan there for senior photos), then the wedding reception on Saturday and one of his nieces senior shoot on Sunday. Like with all vacations, it was good to get home and rest:)
Each night that we stayed up to visit though, I could just imagine how pleased mom would be - she wants us to keep in a relationship with one another. Distance can become hard, but while I'm still young enough to fly, I'm up for it!! We're again going this October to see Larissa and Judy & Don are coming over - family is so important:) Because "we" are now the next generation, it is even more important to keep in touch. Doesn't seem possible that "we" are as old as "we" are - I still feel in my mind like I'm in my twenties - my body doesn't say that, but the mind has always been known to do funny things, huh?!
Anyway, it was a GREAT trip and we enjoyed every moment of it. Thank you Mom for keeping us close:) Tomorrow is another "big first" - hmmmm, how will it go? Check back and I'll let you know. Blessings Greg & Irma, blessings to mom & dad, blessings to all:)
I thought alot about Mom the past week or so - even more than normal and normally it's on a regular basis:) Mom would have been smiling:) and would have loved having some of her kids get together - she always wanted us to have a close relationship even though distance separates us. Last Thursday Jim, Logan and I flew to California to spend a few days with Greg & Irma. It was planned after mom passed away, but I know she was looking down and saying, "Good":) It was a wonderful BUSY time but it had special moments that we talked and chatted about "things in the past" - several times I was in tears.
Greg had said "yes" to a 50th wedding renewal of vows - that was the inital reason we'd gone. He had asked a couple of months ago if I would want to come "assist" - well, Greg does so much for me in my little business that I decided, "why not?" and then Jim and Logan came along too. We made it somewhat of a vacation and it was wonderful. Greg took us to Yosemite on Friday (even got a few shots of Logan there for senior photos), then the wedding reception on Saturday and one of his nieces senior shoot on Sunday. Like with all vacations, it was good to get home and rest:)
Each night that we stayed up to visit though, I could just imagine how pleased mom would be - she wants us to keep in a relationship with one another. Distance can become hard, but while I'm still young enough to fly, I'm up for it!! We're again going this October to see Larissa and Judy & Don are coming over - family is so important:) Because "we" are now the next generation, it is even more important to keep in touch. Doesn't seem possible that "we" are as old as "we" are - I still feel in my mind like I'm in my twenties - my body doesn't say that, but the mind has always been known to do funny things, huh?!
Anyway, it was a GREAT trip and we enjoyed every moment of it. Thank you Mom for keeping us close:) Tomorrow is another "big first" - hmmmm, how will it go? Check back and I'll let you know. Blessings Greg & Irma, blessings to mom & dad, blessings to all:)
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