OK - so I can honestly say that I have never experienced a "hot flash" like most women my age! Am not sure if it was just a blessing from God, that my body is unique, or that I'm just unusual? Anyway, I've been thankful to be at my age - over 60 and moving on - and still not experience those "flashes" like my friends talk about:) So guess in some ways, I am blessed for sure!!! And I feel VERY fortunate that my health is good and that I LOVE life to the fullest - God has been sooooo good to me:)! Not always have I been "deserving" and not always have I made the best choices, but He has been faithful and faithful beyond to me!
Anyway, back to "flashes" - so I'm standing in my kitchen just a short time ago - making an afternoon cup of some new "French Brew" coffee that came in today's mail:) (what a special treat to receive 4 Keurig Cups free in the mail:)!!!) Within two seconds I feel this overwhelming heartbreak and my eyes swell with tears! It wasn't a hot flash, but a "quick flash" of sadness and I couldn't control it! Why Lord, why is it that our emotions can run so fast and so quick at times? I know why I had the tears, but still, so quickly? I have to tell you, this isn't the first time for tears by any means, but the first time I compared them to what others call "hot flashes" -
I had to take a few minutes - my coffee is almost gone along with the tears in my eyes. So until the next time, and as I've been told, there will be a next time, I guess I'll just write about it. And I have to say, thank you Jesus for that "quick flash" memory - maybe it's mom wanting a cup of afternoon coffee as well? Blessings!!!!
Monday, September 19, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
Just Another Day
So here it is in the middle of the afternoon - not a lot happening other than the weather is finally cooling off and there's a gentle breeze - that's always nice after a long hot summer!! Larissa was home this past weekend and we traveled to Montana for the wedding of cousin Kayla Leifer. It was wonderful to see all the family attending, and yet at the same time, it just brought so many memories and emotions to my heart. The last time we had a family wedding was last summer's with Litney and Danny. Not only was Helen attending, mom sent her blessings to them too - although she wasn't able to make it which we all understood. Now time has flown by and both of them are gone - so hard at times!!!!
I decided that I wanted to put together a book of mom's last month or so and include the writings I've done since - today is that day! I've uploaded it completely and have one last page - do you think it will "close" by heart and soul when I "close" the book? I don't really think so, but maybe it'll be something to remind me often of all the love that was put into those words. So mom, this is for you!!! I will say once again just how much I love you and what a GREAT mom you were to me!!! Blessings Mom!!!!
I decided that I wanted to put together a book of mom's last month or so and include the writings I've done since - today is that day! I've uploaded it completely and have one last page - do you think it will "close" by heart and soul when I "close" the book? I don't really think so, but maybe it'll be something to remind me often of all the love that was put into those words. So mom, this is for you!!! I will say once again just how much I love you and what a GREAT mom you were to me!!! Blessings Mom!!!!
Friday, September 2, 2011
Day Is Ending:)
Only an hour or so left of September 2, 2011 - a very new "first" for me:) The "first" birthday of mom and she wasn't here to celebrate it - not that she wanted to celebrate birthdays anymore, but I always called and talked with her, sent her a gift card, wrote a poem or something - especially since dad's been gone. I spent the day keeping myself busy, but it was in my thoughts the entire day - I miss her!!!
This afternoon I was outside in the brisk fall air, watering the plants around - I looked up the hill to the top where Larissa & Litney would get off the school bus - it was just like I was back in those days - I could see them coming down the hill - skipping a bit - chatting together - running to tell me of their day at school. For a split second I was back there - waiting for them! But then reality - not only are they grown and away from home, I'm no longer the daughter of a living mother - my mother isn't physically in my life. She definitely is within my thoughts, my mind, my memories, but I can't just call and chat. I miss those talks - I miss watching my girls come down the hill. I miss life as it was, but, it just can't be that way again. So for now, I must cherish those memories of my girls, cherish those memories of my mom and dad and live for today. You see, tomorrow everything may change again - tomorrow is September 3 and my mom's birthday will be over. Today, I miss my mom!!! Happy Birthday Mom - I love you!!! Blessings to you on your 92nd birthday - !!!
This afternoon I was outside in the brisk fall air, watering the plants around - I looked up the hill to the top where Larissa & Litney would get off the school bus - it was just like I was back in those days - I could see them coming down the hill - skipping a bit - chatting together - running to tell me of their day at school. For a split second I was back there - waiting for them! But then reality - not only are they grown and away from home, I'm no longer the daughter of a living mother - my mother isn't physically in my life. She definitely is within my thoughts, my mind, my memories, but I can't just call and chat. I miss those talks - I miss watching my girls come down the hill. I miss life as it was, but, it just can't be that way again. So for now, I must cherish those memories of my girls, cherish those memories of my mom and dad and live for today. You see, tomorrow everything may change again - tomorrow is September 3 and my mom's birthday will be over. Today, I miss my mom!!! Happy Birthday Mom - I love you!!! Blessings to you on your 92nd birthday - !!!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Is It September Already?
Wow - another month of the summer gone!!! How is it the older I get the faster and faster the months seem to fly by? Doesn't at all seem possible, but it's real for sure!
I thought alot about Mom the past week or so - even more than normal and normally it's on a regular basis:) Mom would have been smiling:) and would have loved having some of her kids get together - she always wanted us to have a close relationship even though distance separates us. Last Thursday Jim, Logan and I flew to California to spend a few days with Greg & Irma. It was planned after mom passed away, but I know she was looking down and saying, "Good":) It was a wonderful BUSY time but it had special moments that we talked and chatted about "things in the past" - several times I was in tears.
Greg had said "yes" to a 50th wedding renewal of vows - that was the inital reason we'd gone. He had asked a couple of months ago if I would want to come "assist" - well, Greg does so much for me in my little business that I decided, "why not?" and then Jim and Logan came along too. We made it somewhat of a vacation and it was wonderful. Greg took us to Yosemite on Friday (even got a few shots of Logan there for senior photos), then the wedding reception on Saturday and one of his nieces senior shoot on Sunday. Like with all vacations, it was good to get home and rest:)
Each night that we stayed up to visit though, I could just imagine how pleased mom would be - she wants us to keep in a relationship with one another. Distance can become hard, but while I'm still young enough to fly, I'm up for it!! We're again going this October to see Larissa and Judy & Don are coming over - family is so important:) Because "we" are now the next generation, it is even more important to keep in touch. Doesn't seem possible that "we" are as old as "we" are - I still feel in my mind like I'm in my twenties - my body doesn't say that, but the mind has always been known to do funny things, huh?!
Anyway, it was a GREAT trip and we enjoyed every moment of it. Thank you Mom for keeping us close:) Tomorrow is another "big first" - hmmmm, how will it go? Check back and I'll let you know. Blessings Greg & Irma, blessings to mom & dad, blessings to all:)
I thought alot about Mom the past week or so - even more than normal and normally it's on a regular basis:) Mom would have been smiling:) and would have loved having some of her kids get together - she always wanted us to have a close relationship even though distance separates us. Last Thursday Jim, Logan and I flew to California to spend a few days with Greg & Irma. It was planned after mom passed away, but I know she was looking down and saying, "Good":) It was a wonderful BUSY time but it had special moments that we talked and chatted about "things in the past" - several times I was in tears.
Greg had said "yes" to a 50th wedding renewal of vows - that was the inital reason we'd gone. He had asked a couple of months ago if I would want to come "assist" - well, Greg does so much for me in my little business that I decided, "why not?" and then Jim and Logan came along too. We made it somewhat of a vacation and it was wonderful. Greg took us to Yosemite on Friday (even got a few shots of Logan there for senior photos), then the wedding reception on Saturday and one of his nieces senior shoot on Sunday. Like with all vacations, it was good to get home and rest:)
Each night that we stayed up to visit though, I could just imagine how pleased mom would be - she wants us to keep in a relationship with one another. Distance can become hard, but while I'm still young enough to fly, I'm up for it!! We're again going this October to see Larissa and Judy & Don are coming over - family is so important:) Because "we" are now the next generation, it is even more important to keep in touch. Doesn't seem possible that "we" are as old as "we" are - I still feel in my mind like I'm in my twenties - my body doesn't say that, but the mind has always been known to do funny things, huh?!
Anyway, it was a GREAT trip and we enjoyed every moment of it. Thank you Mom for keeping us close:) Tomorrow is another "big first" - hmmmm, how will it go? Check back and I'll let you know. Blessings Greg & Irma, blessings to mom & dad, blessings to all:)
Sunday, August 21, 2011
5 Years - Hands of a Lifetime
So I went back in my old external hard drives and found the poem I'd written 5 years ago - doesn't seem that long ago, but it is. I have it printed on my fireplace mantle, but each time I read it I just cry - brings back so many memories, tears and all! Anyway, thought I would post it here too -
I have a photo shoot this morning with a family - it'll be a hard shoot as the father who is like 65 is dying and only has months to live. His kids are here with grandkids and they want a "family photo" - will this be the last family photo they have? Probably and I'm not sure this is the day I can "hold it together" either! I've been in tears most of the morning already!
So many memories - oh, I loved him! Blessings Dad!!!
I have a photo shoot this morning with a family - it'll be a hard shoot as the father who is like 65 is dying and only has months to live. His kids are here with grandkids and they want a "family photo" - will this be the last family photo they have? Probably and I'm not sure this is the day I can "hold it together" either! I've been in tears most of the morning already!
So many memories - oh, I loved him! Blessings Dad!!!
The Last Box
So this was a morning it was hard to sleep in. I remember it like it was yesterday, but five years ago on this very morning I got the call about dad. Although I'd left Walla Walla just hours before he passed away, it was very hard to know his time had come. I remember questioning if I would drive back to Walla Walla or not - it wasn't that I didn't want to be there, but I'd been on the road a lot in the last two weeks coming and going and my body was exhausted! You see, we also took turns staying up all night with him while he was in his last days. It was emotionally draining but also physically draining - we wouldn't have done it any differently though. We wanted to be with him!
So Jenice called me like at 4:30 that morning - as soon as the phone rang, we knew! Jim got it first and then I took the receiver - the call I dreaded! I couldn't just jump in the car and head back - although I couldn't sleep anymore either. I waited a few hours and then drove myself back to Walla Walla - to the home where mom and dad lived. I'll never forget walking in - not knowing what to do, where to go, what to say! It was sooooo hard! I cried! I cried and cried more! Then I guess everyone else had kinda gotten over the crying and then to see me, they all started in again. I gave mom a hug - it was going to be hard on her - we all knew! I do remember going into dad's bathroom and before I came out, I had one of the gold dollars of his in my hand - I said, "I'm going to take this!" I wanted it because dad's hands had been on it - silly isn't it, but that was the way I was feeling. If dad had touched it, then if I had it, it would mean something more to me. Oh, the emotions that ran that day!!!!
Five years have passed - an eternity in some ways, a quick second in others! Now it's been almost 4 months since mom passed away - the day she joined dad and was reunited with him - joyous for her, heartbreak for us! When I was down to Walla Walla on March 18th of this year with Litney mom gave me Jim's birthday gift:) She was always so "ahead of time" in everything she did! She would laugh about it at times and say things like, "well, I might not be here and want to make sure he gets it" - never would I have been imagined on that Friday it would be the last box I'd get from her. You see, Jim's birthday is the day dad passed away. I remember placing that box on the top of my tall dresser in the bedroom - it was the same place I put each birthday gift mom gave me early -
Today I will give that gift - the very same gift mom has given Jim for 27 years - a shirt within that box and then I'm wondering - "should I just put that last box back on my dresser?" It would be empty, but also filled with so much love & memories. Can I just throw it away? No, I don't think I can - so for now it will sit on my dresser, collect some dust along the way and again be another reminder of how much mom loved her kids! Sad to know though that it is the Last Box!
Blessings to Jim on this day, to Dad for 5 years and to Mom!!
So Jenice called me like at 4:30 that morning - as soon as the phone rang, we knew! Jim got it first and then I took the receiver - the call I dreaded! I couldn't just jump in the car and head back - although I couldn't sleep anymore either. I waited a few hours and then drove myself back to Walla Walla - to the home where mom and dad lived. I'll never forget walking in - not knowing what to do, where to go, what to say! It was sooooo hard! I cried! I cried and cried more! Then I guess everyone else had kinda gotten over the crying and then to see me, they all started in again. I gave mom a hug - it was going to be hard on her - we all knew! I do remember going into dad's bathroom and before I came out, I had one of the gold dollars of his in my hand - I said, "I'm going to take this!" I wanted it because dad's hands had been on it - silly isn't it, but that was the way I was feeling. If dad had touched it, then if I had it, it would mean something more to me. Oh, the emotions that ran that day!!!!
Five years have passed - an eternity in some ways, a quick second in others! Now it's been almost 4 months since mom passed away - the day she joined dad and was reunited with him - joyous for her, heartbreak for us! When I was down to Walla Walla on March 18th of this year with Litney mom gave me Jim's birthday gift:) She was always so "ahead of time" in everything she did! She would laugh about it at times and say things like, "well, I might not be here and want to make sure he gets it" - never would I have been imagined on that Friday it would be the last box I'd get from her. You see, Jim's birthday is the day dad passed away. I remember placing that box on the top of my tall dresser in the bedroom - it was the same place I put each birthday gift mom gave me early -
Today I will give that gift - the very same gift mom has given Jim for 27 years - a shirt within that box and then I'm wondering - "should I just put that last box back on my dresser?" It would be empty, but also filled with so much love & memories. Can I just throw it away? No, I don't think I can - so for now it will sit on my dresser, collect some dust along the way and again be another reminder of how much mom loved her kids! Sad to know though that it is the Last Box!
Blessings to Jim on this day, to Dad for 5 years and to Mom!!
Monday, August 8, 2011
Time Slips Away
So here it is - August 8th, 2011 and two thirds of the summer has passed! It just doesn't seem possible at all:) but then again, life just seems to happen, doesn't it? It's been a fairly good summer - still lots of emotions and times of tears, but some really good things too!
Logan is working for Erik Logen each day at 7:00 AM - AM - did you read that correctly? AM!!!! Wow, what a feat that is to just get him out of bed:) - am glad I have an "early rising husband" as I'd never be able to do that regularly. My hours each day keep me up at night and then I actually love to sleep in a little:) Jim is good - he gets Logan out of bed and out of the house - to a JOB!!!!
Litney and Danny have come down several times and shared some of their time with us:) It's always a nice thing to have them for sure!!! And last month Logan got to stay with them in Spokane while Jim and I were shooting a wedding on the coast - Logan adores Danny as much as he does Litney. I like the relationship between them - very healthy for Logan too - just laid back and fun times when he's with them:) Logan actually starting this "pipe smoking" this summer - guess it's not as bad as it could be, and he and Danny enjoy it together. Am sooooo happy for Litney - she definitely found the "man of her dreams" and the two of them together are adorable. What more could a mother ask for, right? They are good for each other for sure!!!!
Jim and I have shot three weddings and one more to go next week - I've been blessed with a very patient husband when it comes to partnering with me to do my photography:) - he just does exactly what I say to do and doesn't complain. He actually loves to chit chat with all the people so after his portion of the wedding is over - he just talks:) Of course, there's always a little food involved too - he likes that part!!! Then it takes two days for us to "recup" after being on our feet so much - am wondering just how many more years I'll be able to still do what I do - BUT I LOVE IT!!!! Never thought I'd be a "photographer", but have found my niche again - God's blessed me with so many different avenues in my life at different times in my life - this is one of my favorites - that is, besides being a "mom"!!!
Larissa comes home next month and we're heading to Montana for Kayla's wedding:) Am so super excited to see Larissa - it's been since March - she opted for Hawaii instead of Washington for her summer vacation - imagine that, huh? Really, it's okay - am very proud of her and if she chooses to vacation with friends, I think it's wonderful!!!! This is the time in her life when she can, so my thought is, "Go for it!!!!" Am glad to have her when she can come and if it's not often enough, we'll just head down her way!!! We are going and taking Logan in October and then she's actually staying for two full weeks at Christmas - am very excited for that too!!! Larissa is loving her life - her work, her friends, her church, her life!!! I'm very blessed too to have wonderful kids!!!!
So, I'm posting another photo - when we brought everything home from my mom's and dad's this was one item that I got - I knew it would look good on my back porch, and I don't think really that anyone else wanted it - so just yesterday Jim hung it for me:) Yes, it's been sitting across the chair for almost two months - it always takes him a little "time" to "get to it" - but it happened. I have so many wonderful memories of both mom and dad - it seems like everywhere around my home now there's a portion of them - dad made this - it's a very special coat rack to me!!! Time may slip away, but memories last forever!!! Hmmm, may have to write about that next time!!!
Logan is working for Erik Logen each day at 7:00 AM - AM - did you read that correctly? AM!!!! Wow, what a feat that is to just get him out of bed:) - am glad I have an "early rising husband" as I'd never be able to do that regularly. My hours each day keep me up at night and then I actually love to sleep in a little:) Jim is good - he gets Logan out of bed and out of the house - to a JOB!!!!
Litney and Danny have come down several times and shared some of their time with us:) It's always a nice thing to have them for sure!!! And last month Logan got to stay with them in Spokane while Jim and I were shooting a wedding on the coast - Logan adores Danny as much as he does Litney. I like the relationship between them - very healthy for Logan too - just laid back and fun times when he's with them:) Logan actually starting this "pipe smoking" this summer - guess it's not as bad as it could be, and he and Danny enjoy it together. Am sooooo happy for Litney - she definitely found the "man of her dreams" and the two of them together are adorable. What more could a mother ask for, right? They are good for each other for sure!!!!
Jim and I have shot three weddings and one more to go next week - I've been blessed with a very patient husband when it comes to partnering with me to do my photography:) - he just does exactly what I say to do and doesn't complain. He actually loves to chit chat with all the people so after his portion of the wedding is over - he just talks:) Of course, there's always a little food involved too - he likes that part!!! Then it takes two days for us to "recup" after being on our feet so much - am wondering just how many more years I'll be able to still do what I do - BUT I LOVE IT!!!! Never thought I'd be a "photographer", but have found my niche again - God's blessed me with so many different avenues in my life at different times in my life - this is one of my favorites - that is, besides being a "mom"!!!
Larissa comes home next month and we're heading to Montana for Kayla's wedding:) Am so super excited to see Larissa - it's been since March - she opted for Hawaii instead of Washington for her summer vacation - imagine that, huh? Really, it's okay - am very proud of her and if she chooses to vacation with friends, I think it's wonderful!!!! This is the time in her life when she can, so my thought is, "Go for it!!!!" Am glad to have her when she can come and if it's not often enough, we'll just head down her way!!! We are going and taking Logan in October and then she's actually staying for two full weeks at Christmas - am very excited for that too!!! Larissa is loving her life - her work, her friends, her church, her life!!! I'm very blessed too to have wonderful kids!!!!
So, I'm posting another photo - when we brought everything home from my mom's and dad's this was one item that I got - I knew it would look good on my back porch, and I don't think really that anyone else wanted it - so just yesterday Jim hung it for me:) Yes, it's been sitting across the chair for almost two months - it always takes him a little "time" to "get to it" - but it happened. I have so many wonderful memories of both mom and dad - it seems like everywhere around my home now there's a portion of them - dad made this - it's a very special coat rack to me!!! Time may slip away, but memories last forever!!! Hmmm, may have to write about that next time!!!
Blessings to all!!!
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