Past Memories - Pansy Memories

Last Saturday we had the service for Helen Leifer - March 26, 2011 was the day but she'd died March 16, 2011 one month before turning 94 years of age.  Many times after a person is gone they are "lifted" to heights far beyond who they really were.  However, Helen Leifer, my mother-in-law was as true as a person can be.  She was funny, honest, simple, caring, devoted, non-judgemental, loved people, loved her family, loved life, but most importantly, she Loved her God and was faithful in her Catholic beliefs to the day she left this earth to join Him in the heavens.  Her career in life was to be a "mother" and she took it seriously:)!!  She loved it!!!  She also loved being a grandmother and then again loved being a great grandmother - and she was blessed with lots!!!

Years ago when the girls were just little they would stay with grandma some as Jim and I went into Spokane or whatever errands we needed to run.  Both Larissa and Litney preferred staying there than running around with us:)  In the spring of the year Grandma would plant her "pansies" - she LOVED pansies!!!  On one of our many trips home she gave the girls a magazine filled with picked pansies between wax paper and we were to keep them for a time when they would dry out and could be used for something special.  Well, that day came when Larissa (could have been Litney too, but for this one it was written for Larissa) was about 16 or 17 and was giving a gift back to grandma.  Both girls "knew" the way to Cheney and the closer we got, they could see the "signs" of grandma and grandpas.  We gave the origianl to Grandma and she placed it on her wall for years to come. 

Larissa came home from Texas for the service.  The night before flying back to Texas we literally searched grandma's home trying to locate that original gift but couldn't find it.  I decided to look through some of my books and was able to locate a copy of the original.  I'm placing it here now - it was entitled "Pansy Memories" and now with grandma's death, the last lines have much more meaning.  There'll not be a time that I see a "pansy" and won't think of grandma!  Time slips by so quickly and we're only left with memories.  Blessings to grandma Helen and to all!!

Searching?

Yesterday was not the typical day I normally have - it started out alright, but by 9:30 was definitely headed toward being very rough!!!  It was a Monday and Jim got Logan off to school - usually he gets him up to shower and then I get up to make sure he's "out the door".  Logan has been attending the Skills Center in Spokane and loves it!  He's in the construction crew and they are actually working on an old home up there - trying to fix it up and make it liveable for a family.  Anyway, he has been carrying a knife to school in his coat pocket since he began the program last November.  He uses it at school, has never been asked not to take it to Spokane, and says that its used for opening concrete bags, cutting sheetrock, etc.  Yesterday I was given the call from Mr. Roettger - Logan was in the office with his knife.  He hadn't had it out of his pocket, but guess an adult or student saw it and turned him in.  He hadn't threatened or even intended to harm anyone.  A very hard day!!!!  Logan was given a "emergency expulsion" and came home.  There is a "hearing" tomorrow afternoon and I'm praying it goes well.  Mr. Roettger was only doing what he had to do, but it was hard on Logan.  He is feeling like he is 18 and an adult (we all know that doesn't happen at 18) and that the school didn't need to involve me in the process.  Needless to say, this week hasn't gone well!  Logan worked yesterday in the pouring rain with Monty & Justin and today is doing construction on the new addition at the church with Eric & Denny.  I am hoping by doing some "community service" while he is home will show good intent on his behalf and they will be less harsh on him tomorrow.  It's hard having a child in "trouble" and the possibility of not graduating!!  He's a good kid - just a poor choice on his behalf.  I'm searching for the "good" of all this - I know God has a purpose in it, just difficult to see right now.  Blessings to Logan and to all!

Grandma Helen April 16, 1917 - March 16, 2011

It's been a very rough couple of days!!!  I spent Tuesday afternoon with Grandma Helen like I posted in the last blog - Wednesday, just the day after, the day of Litney's final exam, the day of brother Ed's visit with Helen and the day that family conflict was reunited, Jim called at 4:20 and said he'd be spending the night with his mom.  Within 10 minutes he called me to say she'd taken her last breath!  She was ready - am not sure I was, more for Litney & Larissa than for Helen - it was God's time to call her home and I knew that - just so very hard.  Death is so final - so difficult eventhough I know she's not suffering and she's with Grandpa Clyde - how wonderful for them to reunite and be as one again!  Oh how I miss her even now!!!!  I'd not planned on writing a prayer for Helen, then Maria told me she reads the one I wrote for Clyde regularly.  I know one in the family does not think much of prayers that God gives me, but then I decided "this is God, not me!" so He gave me the following words.  God blessed Helen's life with so much - but I am blessed because of her - I'll miss her terribly!!!!  I love her!!!  Blessings to her and to all in the family.

A New Day

Yesterday I had to make a trip into Spokane for an oil change - it was not an easy decision for me to make, but I decided to go see Grandma Helen.  She's probably just days if not hours away from being in Heaven - beautiful for her, very difficult for those left here.  Litney has been such a strong person for Grandma - always there with her every step of the way.  There's a connection between she and grandma that no other grandchild has - although grandma loves ALL her grandchildren, and I know she does, Litney is just special after living with her for a year.  Here I am driving around the block a few times to see if I could do it:( !!  God gave me the strength and I decided - yes, maybe it was me coming into grandma's room and telling her what an amazing mother-in-law she'd been to me, how I loved her son, and how we had the best grandkids for her ever!!  So that's what I did!!!  Kelley was there in the room - she was the perfect one for me!  I instantly was in tears when I opened the door and Kelley just put her arms around me and hugged me tight.  I needed that!!!  Grandma has been somewhat unresponsive for about three days - some of her last words were last Friday the 11th telling Larissa that she loved her.  Litney put the phone to grandma's ear so Larissa could talk - very hard for Larissa to do that - she's so much like me - we just cry!!

So I sat for over two hours - watching, listening, crying - no longer is grandma Helen the same - her body is still with us, but she's not!  But maybe she could still "hear" so I took the opportunity to tell her I loved her and how special she'd been in my life.  Never have I ever heard grandma Helen say a bad word about anyone - she was always so positive and uplifting!  I love her!!!

Shortly before I had to leave, Litney came in - put her purse and jacket on the floor and crawled up next to grandma and laid next to her.  What strength she has!!!  She stroked her hair, flipping little strands behind her ears, kept the rosary in her one hand and just smiled at her.  There is a love like no other there.  Litney adores grandma and she was a friend to her!  I sit here in tears as I write - so difficult to think about, so difficult to witness, so difficult to know that soon grandma Helen won't be here.  I'm not sure if today is the day or not, but grandma Helen is ready - she's been ready!  Litney tells me how she is reminiscing about old friends, about John, about grandpa Clyde, about playing in the creek when she was a child - these were all words days ago - nothing anymore.  Grandma Helen is ready to be with her maker, to be with God and let the rest of us remember her memories.  I'll always treasure my memories of her and all the great times we've had - she accepted me right from the moment I met her and there's been a special place in my heart for her!! 

While there yesterday I took this photo - I know it's not one that just everyone wants to see - so hard to see that fun-loving, smiling-face, now laying in a bed unable to even close her lips, unable to open her eyes - but there is continued life sitting next to her - a legacy that grandma can be proud of, a person that meant the world to grandma in the past few years calling her "My Girl" to all she was around.  Thank you Jesus for this day and for giving me grandma Helen, thank you Jesus for giving me my daughter Litney who is able to comfort grandma, and thank you for the new day coming!  Blessings to Grandma Helen, to Litney and to all!!

Litney with Grandma

Litney called early afternoon yesterday and told me she was going to see Grandma .  I asked her to call afterwards and she told me that if she was fine, she'd just call me another time.  It was almost 9:00 last night when the phone rang - I had figured grandma was doing alright since Litney hadn't called.  It was Litney.  She'd spent over 6 hours sitting, crying, watching, listening - just being there.  I cried as Litney shared the experience with me.  I don't know if I could have traded spots with Litney - I'm not that strong!  Last Saturday was the last time I'll probably go see Helen - I can't be there like this - I'm praying God takes her quickly at this point - she wants to be gone - she's ready to be gone!  Even Logan last week just couldn't handle Grandma being as she was - he loved the spunky grandma, the fiesty one - this was hard on him.  Guess he sat there with his cap over his eyes and told Litney, "Give her what she needs and make her better."  Of course we all know, this time comes.

Thank you Jesus for this very special life and may she find Your peace quickly as You take her home.  Blessings to her and to all.

A Brand New Day

Was soooo super excited today:)!!!  At 6:30 this morning I went into town and picked up two cats from a friend:)  Now you may think, why get excited about that?  Well, you see, this has been the absolute worst year for field mice and we lost all our cats within the past three months!!!  So Uncle Charlie and Aunt Susan brought the entire clan into our basement for the winter!!!  To this point, we have gotten 28 "friends" and I want NO more!  Needless to say, I want CATS!!!!  So am thrilled with these two and praying they stay around:) 

On another entire note, I was talking with someone today and just couldn't get the feeling out of me, that although we live in a world filled with "bad" stuff, that God is still and always will be the one in control!!!  Anyway, once again I sat on my dining room couch and these words came to me - I'm glad that I can say "Thank You Jesus for All You've done for me!"

May His Blessing be many and to all!!!

So here it is the 9th of March - defintely the rains are coming down!!  However, I so remember what the winter looked like - although it's hard to travel in the snow, the beauty is spectacular and the freshness & cleanliness is absolutely wonderful!  It's kind of a slow day for me - just getting my hair cut this afternoon and then playing cards tonight, but as I looked out the window I was overcome with a thought that God is in control of each season like He has my life in His hands too!  I'm always thrilled to once again realize He knows, even before I think it!!!  How wonderful to walk in the path He leads!!!  These were just a few words He gave me to write and I'll share them:)  Blessings to all!!!!

Really? Logan 18?!!!!

OK - so far for the month of March I'm not doing so bad posting stuff - still haven't even told anyone I'm doing it - thought I'd wait for awhile and see how it goes.  I will have to say though, I generally have something that I can thank God for EVERYDAY, so it's easy for me to share His Many Blessings!  Today is no exception - Logan :) my little one who came to us so damaged, so fragile, so needy - turns 18 today!!  He's still in bed - of course - there's no school today, but he and I are going "out" on a date a little later!  He LOVES "Daily Grind" so I asked if he'd like to go with me and then to Pullman for Walmart:)  Of course he said yes!  I told him to invite his three best buds over for Papa Murphy's pizza and he can be with them this evening - Josh, Joey & Bryce.  He's blessed with friends who love him for him and these guys don't use his friendship - it's genuine for sure!  Yes, God's many blessings never cease - I'm just glad that God decided Logan needed to by my boy and in our family!!!  Many loves to him on his 18th!!!

Oh, one other thing - so watch out - we're going to the courthouse to get his "voter registration" so he can really put his opinion out there!  He's a great kid!!!!  Loves to him and blessings to all!

Happy Anniversary to Us:)

So it's been 27 years ago about this time Jim asked me, "Do you want to go to the wheat grower's meeting in Colfax or do you want to go to Coure d' Alene and get married" - yes, that was the proposal:)  AND, I loved it then and I love it now:)  In fact, I loved Jim then and I love him now:)  It's been quite the 27 years with lots of great times, learning times, hard working times, struggling financial times, BUT it's all been what God had us to do - and I've been blessed beyond words!!!! 

I remember telling Jim, "I can't have kids" - and then miraculously three months after we're married I am pregnant - I have never been so thrilled, excited, surprised, blessed!!!!  When I found out I wanted to share the news with my mom - I remember calling the house and my dad told me she was at K-Mart in Walla Walla.  I asked for the phone number and I actually called K-Mart, had her paged and told her our good news.  Inside the store she started screaming with excitement - she too knew that the desires of my heart included being "mom":)  So that's how Larissa began her early life.  Then 22 months later Litney was born!  Our family was finally established and we were complete.  I just didn't know God had other plans:) Sometimes He works that way!!!  So when the girls were 6 & 8 we began doing fostercare and Logan was our very first child - an infant that had been terribly abused to the point he was considered a "miracle" to be alive!  27 years ago I had no idea of being a "mom" at all, today I am so proud to have three beautiful children - children who have dreams, desires & goals in life; children who think for themselves; children who have integrity, ambitions, respect; children who have a hard work ethic (well we're still working on Logan); children who I am so proud to call "MINE"!!!!!

Yes, 27 years doesn't seem possible at all - but it has been.  Life as slow as it seems when you're younger, just seems to fly by when you're over 50 - BUT, I LOVE my life and ALL the Blessings God's given to me!!!!  Happy Anniversary to my husband Jim and my thanks for a GREAT life!!!  Blessings to him and to all!!

God's Gifts - Listen to Him

So I've often wondered with my life like it's been - I don't necessarily mean the past 27 years, but all those young years before, with all the trials and such I endured, why God chose me to give this gift?  And yet, I am sooooo thankful He did!!!  You see, with everything that I enjoy doing and being able to "bless" those that are hurting in some way, I feel thankful that God gave me His gift of words. I started writing about 30 years ago while being challenged in a relationship that was unhealthy to say the least.  In those words, God gave me His strength, His peace, His mercy, His calmness, His sanity, His Love!  When I quietly "listen" there are words and thoughts streaming through - sometimes I'm at a place where I can write and other times, I just have to wait - God gives me His timing!  Anyway, this is just the beginning of my blogging so maybe later I will get into more of "me", but for now, I'll just post three more recent things.  The Old Truck sits beside the road outside of Dayton Washington - I've passed it hundreds of times, last month I took the time to stop.  Pastor Denny shared in a sermon about the death of his nephew - God gave words to me.  The last one is the young daughter of our last pastor - Pastor Bob - his daughter struggled for years with cancer.  Although she went to heaven last October, I just found out yesterday. 

I LOVE my life and am glad that I am beginning this "journaling" - where it will take me, God knows:)  Blessings to all!!!!

Larissa's Birthday 2011

So this is the day I begin my new adventure by starting a blogspot:)  I don't always have a lot to say, but am hoping I can share what God's blessed me with in some small way for others.  I'll probably have to start "slow" in this process - not that God hasn't blessed me immensely through my life, but blogging hasn't been a part of that.  I may "talk" alot, but to write it down - whoa! now that's a different story for sure.  Anyway, will try to post the photo along with this and see if it goes like it is supposed to.  God's blessings to all!!!!